Heaven’s Gate Minute by Minute: 187 of 209

23 May

187 of 209

The distant dirges of battle weary immigrants float through the Stock Growers Association’s makeshift fortification, much like the cigar smoke from that guy and that guy and from the cigarette of that guy, or the match smoke of this guy. Seriously, who sponsored this scene? British American Tobacco? There’s more smoking advertising in this sequence than a ’70s Grand Prix.

Is anything going to happen, or are we to be treated to a series of ‘smoke looks good on film’ moments? There’s not one person without a cigar or cigarette hanging from their mouth. It’s like a precursor to Mad Men, or hipsters in a northern suburbs beer garden; though the mercenaries’ beards are cleaner.

A trooper who is asleep even has a smoke resting on his lip. It’s like the cigarette is sleeping too. Both must be exhausted. The cigarette especially looks burned out.

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Heaven’s Gate Minute by Minutè: 186 of 209

22 May

Is there to be a battle in the morning? The tension mounts, the mountains tense and ten mount a word play assalt.

Jim arrives at the makeshift immigrant pillow fort to wander through and not say much. I understand the Western trope of the quiet hero who says what only needs sayin’, but he’s so distant, measured and standoffish. I think some time ago he graduated from silent, strong leading man, to out-and-out jerk. In the previous minute he muttered to Ella, “You alright, Ella?”

At the time she was standing over the bloody corpse of her lover. What response did he expect?

“Yeah peachy, Jim. I am, like, so fine right now. You wanna grab a soda, invent basketball and shoot some hoops?”

“Got a ball?”

“Hmm, no. Oh! But my dead lover – you know, the guy at my feed covered in bullet holes? He may have on in his cabin.”

“I like cabins.”

“Oh, Jim… the things you come out with! Ha! Ha ha ha! Delightful!”

Nate grabs Ella’s ankle, moans and gasps, “Get me a coke…”

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Heaven’s Gate Minute by Minute: 185 of 209

17 May

185 of 209

An emotional scene with superb performances as Ella farewells Nate, who is acting the shit out of playing a dead bloke.

Cut to night time and the townsfolk erect a fort out of logs and wagons. It looks like quite a lot of fun! But it would be so much better and more appropriate if they were building a pillow fort instead. Rifles mounted on the backs of arm chairs, hot water bottles for warmth, with sheets and sleeping bags stretched to form the roof. Inside they can watch movies or tell ghost stories – like the one about Old Man Barton. He was a farmer who kept a ceiling fan as a wife. One day, Barton was stroking his turnips with a croquet mallet, when he heard a strange noise coming from the barn.

Cautiously, he edged inside the barn to discover a pile of old magazines had turned a gun on itself , splattering glossy pages all over the walls. Five years later, Old Man Barton canceled his subscription to Women’s Weekly.

*Shiver* My hair would stand on end when that one was told around the campfire. Oh to be young again.

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Heaven’s Gate Minute by Minute: 184 of 209

16 May

184 of 229

What needs to be commended is Christopher Walken’s brilliance at playing a corpse. The rumour is that Michael Cimino killed Christopher to capture a realist performance. A medic would revive Walken between takes, before thrusting him back into cardiac arrest when the cameras rolled.

This is why Walken had severe reservations about playing a ghost in Sleepy Hollow. He still has nightmares about Cimino’s potassium injections and is suspicious of any director who wishes him to play a dead character. When Tim Burton offered him the role, Walken screamed, turned and ran straight into a tree. It was at this moment that Burton knew he was perfect to play the Headless Horseman.

Another sticking point was that Walken doesn’t like Washington Irving, author of The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. Walken has always felt Irving’s frequent use of the word ‘pedagogue’ was confusing and contributed heavily to him becoming addicted to Coca Cola. Fortunately for Tim Burton, the Coke addiction rotted Walken’s teeth and saved the production of Sleepy Hollow from spending money on decaying teeth prosthetics.

Coke?

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Heaven’s Gate Minute by Minute: 183 of 209

15 May

183 of 229

Jim is on the move. He saddles up and rides out onto the main street. He circles on his horse… and circles again… and again. It’s nice to see Michael Cimino inject some dressage into his film. It’s severely lacking in modern cinema. Think about it. When was the last time you saw some decent, honest dressage in a movie?

I know what you’re going to say – “Herbie Rides a Horse and Performs Dressage.” True, but that was a made for television movie, so it doesn’t count. And nor does Herbie anymore after hitting his head during a take and losing the ability to calculate basic arithmetic.

It was a very funny telemovie, I must admit. There’s this one scene where Herbie has to put down his own horse, then cut it up into horsemeat because Don Knotts is destitute. He’s crying and Don Knotts is hitting a kid… Well, it’s not as funny when you retell it. Still, if you’re into wanky upper class ‘sports’ then it’s worth finding a limited edition laser disc copy for a look.

Heaven’s Gate 182 of 209

9 May

182 of 209

A reprieve from the battle. Ella rides to Nate’s cabin and finds him, well, eh… no longer in the land of the living. Well, his body is, but the spirit has departed… actually, I’m an atheist, there is no spirit, so… he’s fricken dead alright people! Completely dead! Carked it! And no amount of politeness around the fact is going to bring him back!

Well, it might. Good manners brought my aunt Rita back from the dead. The mortician asked me, “Would you care for the deluxe funeral package?”
I said, “No, thank you,” and she sprung back to life. Had I said, “No effing way,” the tart would still be dead. Seriously though, she left us with a mountain of debt and left her prized chimney collection to the other side of the family. If she wants a deluxe funeral, she can bloody pay for it.

RIP Nate. You’re next Rita.

Heaven’s Gate Minute by Minute: 181 of 209

8 May

181 of 209

It’s subtly woven into the action, but I believe this minute to be an exposé of poor wagon driver safety in the nineteen hundreds. People fly out of them at the smallest bump in the road. Why isn’t anyone wearing a wagon seatbelt?

The answer, unfortunately, is due to a material shortage in Johnson County in the 1890s. There was only one seatbelt in the entire state and it had to be shared by every driver at once. The belt was enormous as it had to stretch and weave across many miles and many wagons. It made driving incredibly difficult and resulted in the strangulation of numerous drivers. Because it was too complicated to unstrap, the belt remained tied to you even if you weren’t operating your wagon and most citizens walked with a wagon attached to them at all times. As you can imagine, this made climbing stairs, playing bocce and trampolining an exhausting, laborious affair.

The Johnson County seatbelt was 990 miles long and its length probably contributed to the material shortage that made it necessary for the sharing of a giant 990 mile seatbelt.

Heaven’s Gate Minute by Minute: 180 of 209

7 May

180 of 209

SPOILER ALERT – my milk is out of date. Also, BANG! Billy is shot in the throat. Such relief. I thought nothing would shut that idiot up. No more mindless, quizzical quips from the class orator. Now, all the comic relief is going to have to come from Toby the 2ft tall, loveable CGI dragon.

The vintage aesthetic works very well for this scene. It’s very flattering on Toby. Sorry, I want to continue talking about the dusty, gritty look of this sequence but I’m just so happy the Billy character is dead. It’s so cathartic. I found myself fisting the air as he fell to the ground. But now I’m being sued by Nitrogen, oxygen and argon molecules.

Stop what you’re doing and enjoy the relief! Let’s all go out and buy a whole bunch of milk and pour it over ourselves. It’ll be so freeing. We need to live this moment together. Come on! Now! Go! Down to the milkbar. We’ll be milky, wet and free. Please, don’t use soy though – that’d just be weird.

Heaven’s Gate Minute by Minute: 179 of 209

3 May

179 of 209

Oh no! They shot Jeff Bridges! Does this mean he can’t be in Iron Man anymore? That’ll take some editing.

The slaughter rolls on. The editing is fast and snappy as an angry gator. I had a friend who was an angry gator. His name was Mitch. We weren’t that close. He’d occasionally hang out and ride bikes with my friends and I around our court. And I’m not talking about a residential street, I’m referring to the citizen’s tribunal me and my school chums presided over. Sorry, my school chums and I. It’s that exact type of poor use of English the tribunal was fighting. If they’d read that sentence 20 years ago, I’d be facing a fine of three Red Skins, or some other form of politically incorrect confection.

Review: Spring Breakers (2013)

29 Apr

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Words: Adnan Khan

I never had a spring break. Canadians just don’t do it – for March break, we bundled up and took a bus to Montreal so we could stay at a hotel without parents and because it was easier to get into bars in La belle Province. Since the drinking age is lower than America’s – 19 rather than 21 – getting alcohol and partying was never a question, because everyone had at least one 19 year old friend that could make a liquor store run. Still, we could feel the weight of ritualistic importance bestowed on the one week off by our American brothers. The optics were harshly different: winter coats, a Delta Inn, no other teenagers around except for our moribund group of 10; most of us split into loose groups and did what teenagers do in big cities when adults aren’t around – not much. We would regroup nightly and drink vodka and coke, stumble around, fall asleep. This was in high school, which is my closest parallel, because in University no one even thought twice about spring break. It was one week off in February and the University titled it the ultimate soul crusher: Reading Week.

I experienced only a weak reflection of what ‘spring break’ was all about, but it still rammed itself into my consciousness and that hyper-importance of the ritual makes it ideal for Harmony Korine’s examination of American youth culture and for Korine to tackle a very classic question: How should we live? His answer is stark and surprising, depicted in a very caustic descent – or ascension – of four college girls from Kentucky, in Florida. Like Scarface, which Franco’s character Alien is obsessed with, Korine wants to vocalize the American Dream for an unheard from minority.

About the only question that Harmony doesn’t tackle is the immigrant one; everything else is here. The structural and systematic representation of Whiteness, Women, Blackness, and the triangulation of all three is opaquely examined with real glossy Music Video and Video Game aesthetics: slow motion, dubstep, close ups on tits and ass, gunshots, the fetishization of ‘blackness,’ and the dangers of ambition. The initial reaction to the Spring Breakers marketing campaign was to suggest that he was ready to glamorize the sexuality of youth – we thought this was obvious because of his deployment of Disney stars Selena Gomez and Vanessa Hudgens, the sex that oozed out of the advertisements, and the aroma of hedonism that wafts forward from the Spring Break myth. These techniques aren’t used to celebrate what conservative critics might have feared – who knows exactly what, but the general existence of youth seems to be a good bet – but to ridicule, and at some points, to offer a ridiculously banal critique. There are moments when Korine manages to pull off the subversion and lure us into shrill enjoyment but usually the camera work is so overt, the dialogue so clumsy, that the big ‘moments’ are made obvious for us.

Every criticism of the film addresses the tone established upon opening: zooms into tits, ass, sculpted men. The introduction of the girls as a group lingers on their crotches while they play on the floor. Big budget pornography visuals. Korine does an exceptional job of portraying the gaze – everything about these shots reminds me of a pornography, except the fact that I’m not supposed to jerk off, that this is a real movie; you can only watch the flesh for so long until self-consciousness sets in.

Faith, Candy, Britt and Cotty are bored to death. College isn’t enough for such rambunctious youth – Faith, Selena Gomez’s Christian character, expresses the most of this staleness and stillness. Her Christian and innocent humanity – she only wants to see something new – is juxtaposed sharply next to Vanessa Hudgens’s Candy and Ashley Bensen’s Britt , who want to feel something and have the flicker of meanness in them from the start. Faith’s yearning is spiritual. She wants to experience. Candy and Britt are hedonistic; they want to do. Rachel Korine’s Cotty serves as an necessary in-between: she is not engulfed in morality like Selena (who likes to talk to her Grandmother, and, you know, her name is Faith), but will participate in a robbery as the getaway driver but not the gun wielder. Candy and Britt wield the guns while Faith stays at home, oblivious.

Korine represents these psychopaths pretty articulately. There is a lot of fun to be had here. Candy and Britt reminded me of Eric Harris, the psychopath who instigated the Columbine massacre. Dave Cullen’s careful research in the phenomenal book, Columbine, sketches out a psychotic murderer with no empathy, love, heart, or remorse. Investigators cannot trace his motivations because his brain operates on different wavelengths than ours.  Korine provides very little ignition for Candy and Britt’s descent into madness and just like Harris, they use other people as facilitators for their different lusts: notably Franco, but all the men around them.

The Columbine case is also noteworthy for the pervasive line the media took, that media itself was to blame for the tragedies: DOOM, Marylyn Manson and films all took a beating over Harris’s bloodlust. Cullen, always wary of tradition, avoids this, and instead delicately examines the development of a psychopath, revealing there is no clear ascension – which makes illuminating motivation a very difficult trick.

Korine seems to pick up on the old media trick of blaming itself. There is motivation rifled through Candy, in two lines echoed several times in a row, “Fucking pretend like it’s a video game. Act like you’re in a movie or something.”  Its message is so bogus and conservative that I couldn’t believe it was said. To nail it home the paraphrase, ‘break from reality’ is woven through several scenes. It’s a boring and clichéd thought (it might be telling that both the New Yorker and Guardian praise this idea): youngsters view the world as video games and movies and therefore cannot compute any real emotion, and therefore, are easily prone to criminal activity. The counterpoint is Faith who is always riddled with doubt and leaves after going to jail, being freed by Franco. Then the final kicker: meeting some black people. They freak her out and she leaves quickly. The next to leave Florida for Kentucky is Cotty, who vanishes after she’s shot: Candy and Britt are left to complete the fall.

Taking heavily from rap video aesthetics and trolling in an incredible amount of fun – sex & guns – the quality of the movie dips when you can most clearly see the hollow morality it is tethered too. That life is bad and people are bored is obvious. Spring break and youth are the respite; the time before everything turns to shit. Are viciously bored teenagers a reality? Slicing in females where white men usually belong – sort of like Tarantino and Django – certainly comes with fun moments, but the core of the movie rots. 

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