Film Review: GI JOE: The Rise of the Cobra (2009)

17 Aug

GI JOE stand for: Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity. Nice guy, Mike Childs braves another spectacular celluloid display of America’s ability to save us from Super Intelligent Masterminds from Scotland (Just like World War II; except the Scottish bit).


Brawn over Brains, America! Fuck Yeah!

Sometimes all that’s needed at the cinema is a giant box of popcorn, a huge coke and an action-packed ninety minutes of fun. G.I.JOE is just the tonic after a hectic couple of weeks of fine film festival fare at MIFF, and although this effects-driven big screen realisation of the immensely popular Hasbro military toy range is not a great film, there is plenty to enjoy among the explosions, destruction and industrial strength soundtrack music.


ye cannae stoap me!

ye cannae stoap me!

Megalomaniac Scottish arms dealer McCullen, played by the dour Christopher Eccleston, has invented a new metal-eating missile which has the potential to change the very nature of war as we know it. After four of these ‘nanomites’ fall into the wrong hands (his!) the elite multi-national Joes, under the command of General Hawk (Dennis Quaid doing his best John Wayne impersonation) must track them down before they eat up the Eiffel Tower! Newly recruited Duke and Ripcord lead the crack squad on a race against time helped enormously by their clever ‘accelerator suits’ which enable them to leap over crashing cars at high speeds.

Will they prevent the destruction? Will Duke find true love again with former fiancée Ana (Sienna Miller)? and will the American President (Jonathan Pryce) be able to placate the French before he’s replicated? (Spoiler alert! Oops. Too late!)

I think that’s the plot in a nutshell, but the fun for me was seeing some classically trained British actors like Pryce, Eccleston and Miller chewing up the scenery alongside the top Joes of hunky Channing Tatum and the wise-cracking Marlon Wayans. And watch out too for an uncredited cameo from Brendan Fraser, star of a couple of director Stephen Sommers previous MUMMY hits.




2 Responses to “Film Review: GI JOE: The Rise of the Cobra (2009)”

  1. Morgan Stewart August 19, 2009 at 5:39 pm #

    Wait – Sienna Miller is classically trained?

  2. Mike Childs August 20, 2009 at 11:07 am #

    So a year at Lee Strasberg doesn’t count?

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