Heaven’s Gate: Minute by Minute: Part 37 of 229

8 Jul
 Simon Godfrey, half-man / half-done dishes, continues his perplexing odyssey through every minute of Cimino’s Heaven’s Gate. 

There is a conversation afoot between James and his pipe smokin’ Irish friend. Oh, there’s a-talking going on let me assure you. None of this mouth moving without sound being produced nonsense… OK, to be honest, I can’t understand a bloody word he’s saying. Even without the obscene amount of background noise his Irish accent is so inaudibly thick it sounds like he’s chewing on mice while speaking – so at least the accent is genuine. This is what I’ve managed to make out so far, “Baltimore oysters… citizen… Dudley… eyes like a dead fish… currently in the employ… association.” No idea how to decipher that. Is Dudley a dead fish? Killed after he was fed bad oysters by a citizen currently employed in a lesser role in the same association as Dudley out of jealousy? Hmm, if you were describing a dead fish, you wouldn’t say, “It had eyes like a dead fish.”

Firstly, it’s a given that a dead fish would have eyes like a dead fish. It would also, presumably, have fins like a dead fish and gills like a dead fish. A fish, alive or dead, with fish eyes is entirely unremarkable.

“Dudley, the dead fish, had eyes like a youthful human” – now there’s something to report.

“Dudley, the dead fish, had eyes like a perturbed pademelon, gills like a sparrow and a tail fin like a 747” – even better.

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