Heaven’s Gate Minute by Minute: 99 of 229

27 Sep

99 of 229

An Irish woman steps in shit. Well, at least I think she is Irish. I am going by her accent. OK, it could be Belgian. I can’t tell. Belgians sound all, “Rah thi rah” don’t they? Or am I thinking of the Swiss? I’d prefer if her accent were Welsh. I love a good Welsh accent. I’m partial to an OK one too. I’ll even listen to one that’s a bit – meh, it’s alright, I guess. If you’re into that sort of thing…

But Welsh people don’t step in shit. This is because most inhabitants of Wales can levitate. Just a bit, of course. They can’t float around for hours, as they get too tired. You’ve got to eat an entire lamb if you want the energy to stay in the air for more than twenty minutes. The nice thing is the Welsh don’t go on about it.

“Yeah, I can suspend myself in midair for brief periods of time. What of it? It’s just a thing I do. Hey, you wanna go skeet shooting?” a Welshman once said to me.

However, while the Irish are incapable of defying gravity, Irish sheep can levitate, but only if they eat a Belgian.

Sigh, I just don’t understand the Eurozone.

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