Heaven’s Gate Minute by Minute: 116 of 229

17 Oct

116 of 229

OK, the dude in blackface is creeping me out. I’ve no idea what he’s doing, or why he is so dirty, but I don’t really want to find out. He could be one of the wasps in disguise. That would explain the eerie stinger stroking.

Nathan and Ella are so lovely together. They should, like, totes get hitched. They’re just so perfect! He murders and has inexplicably wall-papered his log cabin and Ella owns a horse. It’s a match made in heaven, or a machine that produces matches. I call it MATCHBORG 50X. The ‘50X’ relates to the amount of failed relationships it has created. 25 unsuccessful pairings, resulting in 50 exs.

I wonder how James would feel if he knew Ella was driving Nathan around in the wagon he bought her. It’s like that time I leant my ex girlfriend’s new boyfriend $250 million and offered to mind their kitten while they went on holiday, presumably with my $250 million. My situation is less pathetic, I’d never loan Anne and Darcy a wagon. I’ve more self-respect.

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