Heaven’s Gate Minute by Minute: 188 of 209

25 May

Ah, I’m feeling refreshed after that puff of delicious tobacco. It’s a lovely morning and my pet leopard is no longer missing.

It’s also a beautiful morning in Johnson County. Good battling weather, according to Jim’s weather app. It’s a feature of modern smartphone forecast programs I miss. Why doesn’t Pocket Weather tell you how appropriate the weather is for waging war? Lousy peace loving modern corporations.

I should clarify that in the 1890s a weather app meant a weather apprentice – a small boy who you’d pay in brandy to stare at the sun every morning. It was a dangerous job, but most were able to use the brandy bottles to fashion themselves corrective eyewear to counter the sun damage.

The two sides are ready to fight. Jim rides behind the immigrant forces’ lines ordering them to surge forward. Slowly, they push makeshift wooden tanks toward the Stock Growers Association. As an aside; the enemy is a stock association? This film really is the Phantom Menace. Anyway, the tanks are pretty impressive. They’re like log cabins on wheels. How did they knock them up in one night? Must have had a working bee. Oh, so that’s why it was important to establish that Jim doesn’t suffer hay fever – a giant bee must have helped them construct log tanks. It all makes sense, unlike the Phantom Menace and why my leopard went missing.

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And to understand that Giant Bee part, read Heaven’s Gate Minute by Minute: 18 of 229

And to read the rest, grab yourself some supplies and click here


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