Heaven’s Gate Minute by Minute: 189 of 209

25 May

189 of 209

This is the slowest charge in the history of military charges. I know the immigrants are pushing a large log cabin tank on wheels, but pick up the pace. It would be more energy efficient to just run and hold the logs as a shield, or attack using the cover of the Stock Growers Association’s own tobacco smoke. In military lingo, this is referred to as a Lucky Strike.

Still charging. The only slower charge I can think of was in the turtle, snail, sloth, public wi-fi war of 1812. Have you ever seen a sloth load a musket? It takes forever! Especially if it’s trying to check online train timetables at the same time.

The Stock Growers Association opens fire, closes water and leaves wind ajar. The immigrant army trudges forward millimetre by millimetre at the speed of daffodils, as bullets ricochet off the wood. Once more, so much time in this movie is wasted in transit. There’s so much travelling, you need a good podcast to listen to while waiting for the characters reach their destination.

They’re still charging! WTF?! Hmm, I might download that.

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