Tag Archives: Powerade

Heaven’s Gate Minute by Minute: 200 of 209

1 Jun

Dear Mr. Godfrey,

Thank you for submitting your screenplay ‘Just West of Xanadu, A Musical Western’ for our consideration. We receive countless proposals from directors and writers each year and selecting potential scripts for production is an enormously difficult task.

Having said that, I absolutely loved your screenplay! We were on the lookout for a more subtle, understated project than we’d usually embark upon and I couldn’t put your script down.

I enjoyed all of it – the singing beards, the glitz, the music, the unusual step of including costume suggestions in the draft and I especially loved the symbolism of the sword and its longing to own a bread shop.

I wish to start preproduction immediately! Can’t wait to discuss the finer points of the many levels of your script.

Thank you and all the best,

Baz Luhrmann

Bazmark Inq

200 of 209

Woh. Is this scene a jump forward into the future? Jeff Bridges appears to climbing off a wagon in a different set of clothes, so time must have elapsed. Either that or he rehydrated himself and his tatty garments. Seems to have worked wonders.

Jim and Ella dress, for a very long time… in silence. Come on! We’re almost there! 19th century clothes take a long time to put on, that’s fair enough, but we’re so close to the end and what is this scene establishing? Post war, both still have the dexterity to dress?

The two are looking well groomed and well hydrated, I’ll give them that. Jim is looking a little thin but that’s nothing a potato and an overbearing personal trainer won’t fix.

I guess we are to assume that Jim and Ella got back together. Nothing like swoopin’ in on the bereaved. Jim, you ol’ dog…



Heaven’s Gate Minute by Minute: 199 of 209

31 May

199 of 209

A surviving immigrant despondently  puts a pistol in her mouth. Must have something stuck in her teeth. I tell ya, once you get a bit of corn trapped between your molars, it can be bloody annoying. Oh! No! Woops, I was wrong. That’s awkward. It was taffy, not corn.

Jim walks into the distance, toward the mountains. I think he’s about to stage The Sound of Music. Now is not the time to perform popular Rogers and Hammerstein tunes! Edel-weiss up, Jim.

Where is he going? Don’t walk, borrow a horse. There’s like fifty standing around being all horse-like. Were there horses in The Sound of Music? Or just Nazis? Or Nazi horses!?

This scene finishes with wind whipping the battlefield. It’s a solid performance from the wind. I’d give it a BAFTA.


Heaven’s Gate Minute by Minute: 198 of 209

31 May

198 of 209

Jeff Bridges looks a bit out of it. Jim pats him on the shoulder and plods off. You’d think they’d have a little post battle debrief. Ask each other how they thought it went, maybe have a soda or something. It’s nice to have an after war fizzy drink. There’s something about the mix of bubbles and wanton violence that is so yummy!

And I think Jeff looks a bit out of it because he’s dehydrated. As Jim disappears, Bridges staggers about confused and disorientated. It could be due to the overwhelming nature of the devastating scene before him, or he could just be lacking electrolytes. Someone throw the poor man a Gatorade, he’s had a tough couple of days.

Before you write me angry letters, a Powerade would also suffice. I am no longer receiving sponsorship from Gatorade; not after the incident where I injected it into a tiny goat. I thought it would make it run faster. I was wrong! OK? How many times do I have to apologise?!