Tag Archives: wagons

Heaven’s Gate Minute by Minute: 206 of 209

7 Jun

206 of 209

Who is this mystery woman? A-hah! I remember. I think she’s the girlfriend we saw waltzing with James in the prologue at Harvard University. I was partially right to check my dance cards. I couldn’t check James’, he’s never allowed his dance cards to enter the public domain. I launched many FOI requests, but was unsuccessful.

Did James lose Ella, then take out his address book and look up an old girlfriend? Lame, man. Though, it was a lot harder to do in those days, he couldn’t just Facebook search her. Looking up an old girlfriend in the late 19th century involved public registries, censuses, pigeons, private investigators and letters passed on by a portly intermediary named Susan.

James look very solemn. As he gazes over his ol’ dance partner, you can see the remorse and regret. He is still haunted by the past; by Ella, by the Sovereign of the Stock Growers Association, by John Hurt and the wily cows, by vellum rain, by rollerskating cowboys, by antelope trains, by the number 86, by the family in the stationmaster’s pipe, by hover bikes, by keytars, by cockfights, by whiskey rivers, by the Bureau of Meteorology, by death lists, by George Negus, by fly racing, by patents pending, by giant bees, by burning hedges, by fluffy hats, by extras, by Kooyong, by tobacco, by $50 a day plus expenses, by Nate and his acting hat, by Iron Man, by cabin tanks, by spooky butlers and by bloody wagons!

His lip trembles. Yeah, I suppose that’s a lot of shit to get over.




Heaven’s Gate Minute by Minute: 194 of 209

28 May

194 of 209

So many deaths in this battle sequence. People are being shot left, right and centre-right. The fallen are characters you vaguely recognize, but I have to say it’s hard to be moved by their deaths. Oh no, another two dimensional character whose name I don’t know has been shot or weirdly run over.

Pretty much every immigrant in Johnson County is dead now. I don’t think they conducted a force depletion report before launching this campaign.

“Casualties will be %100. Should we risk it?”

“Yeah, why not? You only live once.”

The death count is high on both sides. I think the mercenaries were well underpaid. But if they receive payment based on the amount of people they shoot, how will they know their final tally? No one is keeping score and I believe there is plenty of opportunity for unscrupulous assassins to rort the system.

If an unscrupulous mercenary has rorted you or a loved one, please report the incident to Rort-Retort on 0499 998 324. Or email them at sally_splatz_housieslove@hotmail.com

O-oh, Stock Growers Association reinforcements have arrived…